Can the birth of your most amazing creation possibly cause problems in your relationship?  In an effort to assist new and expecting parents, I proposed the question, “What was the most challenging area of your life during the first month after birth?”  I was expecting responses such as sleep deprivation, bathing the baby, trying to leave the house.  So when Shany from Washington, DC replied, “Relationship Stress”, I knew it was a topic I needed to pursue.

It makes complete sense, a new baby, a changed relationship.  So what techniques help keep relationships healthy and strong post-baby?  It was a question I used to survey over 70 parents.  The response?  A plethora of ideas to help you do just that!  Here are 14 ideas to get you started. (To see a full list of all of the individual replies, simply click on the link at the end of the article.)

1. First and Foremost, Make Alone Time a Priority.

This was the one message I heard repeated and heard the loudest. You must make time for each other. Whether you choose in-home dates or out-of-home dates, daytime or nighttime dates, just make sure the alone time “dates” happen. Keep reading for ways to help you accomplish this.

2. Daytime Dates

Instead of evening dates, try day dates. Evening dates require a babysitter and can be more costly when your budget may be tight. On top of this, if you are like any other parent with children, you are likely exhausted in the evening hours.

Use flextime, use a few hours of leave for an “appointment” or even better take the day off of work. While your baby is in daycare or with a nanny, use this time to meet for lunch, hike, try indoor skydiving, get a couples massage, or plan a sexy rendezvous at the house.

“We both take off work, grab a hotel (bc our girls are with our nannies in the house so we can’t be at home) and we check in early (like 8am lol) and lounge at a hotel all day. We order room service, go swimming, watch tv, take NAPS and leave as if we worked that day to meet the kids/nannies at 6pm. GLORIOUS.” – Monica

3. At-home dates

If you are not ready to leave your little(s) one quite yet, at-home dates are another way to connect.

“We have one night a week we where have an in-home date night: no laundry, no list making, no email. We pick a show … and commit to hanging together. Even in sweats. It helps create good habits inside the home (in addition to an outside the house date night…)” – Cindy

4. Date Night Kits

Maybe I’ve been under a rock, but I never knew these existed.  Date night kits offer a variety of interactive activities such as cooking, games, escape rooms, etc. If you are looking for something different, a date night kit may be your answer.

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5. Play, Flirt, Find time for Intimacy

Many times, the simple art of flirting can rekindle a romance! Do you remember how fun flirting can be? Here are a few simple ideas:

• Give your partner nice and naughty messages. “I still love on him… I leave notes for him on the bathroom mirror or the door so he sees them before leaving for work.” – Elysha

• Text sweet messages to your partner while you are sitting 3 feet from each other.

• Have a pillow fight.

• Surprise your partner with a candlelight dinner.

• Hug and KISS your partner – every day.

• “Sex while the kids nap on weekends because we’re usually too tired at night.” – Claire

• Take baths or showers together.

For more ways to flirt with your partner, check out Mark Merrill’s article titled, “8 Creative Ways to Flirt With Your Spouse“

7. Read Together

“Everyone’s love language is different, find out what yours and your husbands is and it will change everything.” – Taylor

“Five Languages of Love” (an Amazon best seller) changed Taylor’s marriage. She and her husband would read a chapter in the bathtub together almost every night and then discuss what they read.  They would also do the activities the book offers.

 

8. Be Enthusiastic When You See Your Partner

Motivational Speaker, Zig Ziglar, had a great quote that went something like this,

You may find the right person in life, but if you treat that person poorly, they may become the wrong person. You can also be with the wrong person, and if you treat that person right, they may become the right person. – Zig Ziglar

For just a minute, imagine yourself walking into a room and someone barely making eye contact and saying, “hey”.  Now imagine yourself walking into that same room and someone making eye contact, a huge smile covers their face and they jump to run and hug you.  Feel the difference?  When your partner comes home, run to the door and greet your partner with a huge smile, excitement and enthusiasm.  “Do what you did in the beginning of the relationship and there won’t be an end.” – Tony Robbins

9. Appreciate Everything

“Always appreciate the small things and never take them for granted. We have been together for 18, married for 14, and have 3 [children]. I still tell him thank you every time he takes the trash out, and I mean it.” – Lisa

10. Practice Gratitude

I love this idea Leila offers of keeping a gratitude journal at your bedside. Sometimes your written words are stronger than your spoken words.

“One thing that’s been great for 5 months (after a hard 1st trimester of fighting) is keeping a written gratitude journal we both write notes into… We move it to the other nightstand when we’ve written and it’s not *always* positive and grateful but it is mostly. It’s nice to read handwriting and to communicate without tasks and urgency.” – Leila

11. Make Time for Yourself

Allow yourself and your partner some “me” time. Share chores and alternative putting the baby to bed allowing each of you a night off. Make time to be with friends, take a bubble bath, sit in the sun, go to the gym, take a class, go to Starbucks and read, whatever makes you happy.  Just make a little time away from your partner and baby.

“Take time for yourself as well as each other. If you’re unhappy you can’t be happy as part of a couple.” – Leslie

12. Remember you are a Team

“Realize that at the end of the day it’s your family against the world. You are not against each other. “ – Dulce

Ensure you are acting like a team. Here are a few characteristics of what good teamwork looks like:

• • • Set your goals

    • Communicate about your goals

    • Make a plan

    • Define your roles

    • Provide clear direction

    • Communicate openly and honestly

    • Support change in each other

    • Be accountable

    • Encourage differences in opinion

    • Collaborate

    • Trust

13. Communicate AND Listen

Communication is imperative to a healthy relationship. Talking and listening should be carved into your daily schedule. Most parents surveyed also said they found talking about non-child topics just as important as communication itself. Non-baby conversation starters may include:

• • • • How was your day/what did you do today/did you do anything fun today?

      • If we could go anywhere in the world, where would it be? (then do a google search, print pictures and make vision board.)

      • What would you like to accomplish by the end of the year? Do you have any goals you are working on?

      • Have you seen or heard about any good shows lately? Maybe we can start serial watching it together. Or I heard about this great show on Netflix – want to watch it together?

      • I would like to talk to you about how I’ve been feeling lately. Can we talk?

      • Tell me about what it was like growing up in (insert city/state here).

      • What does your ideal adventure look like?

      • Have you heard about that new restaurant in town? What have you heard?

      • Is there anything that you would like us to accomplish as a couple?

14. Forgive and Apologize

Your relationship is more important than being right and a simple heartfelt apology can make a very big difference. Here are a couple of premeditated apology strategies:

• If you are feeling exhausted or stressed, try apologizing to each other in advance for being short or snappy with your words. “We apologized in advance for being short or grumpy with each other. We knew we would have lack of sleep or crying stress and just would say sorry in advance! That way we knew not to take anything personal and just laugh about the stress!” – Jessica

• Give each other free passes for middle of the night grouchiness. You are both human and sleep deprivation can be hard. Passes are a great way of acknowledging that you know and understand why your partner may be grumpy.  “Free passes for middle of the night grouchiness … [this was a lifesaver during the first 7 months].” – Randi

   

But ultimately, if a true apology is warranted, make sure that it is a restorative apology that will help you improve.

• Take Responsibility. Start your apology with an owning statement such as, “Honey, I want to acknowledge that you asked me to watch a show and I snapped back at you saying I was too busy.

• Mend with Good Intention. “Sometimes when I am tired, I become snappy and that is not fair to you. I am sorry.”

• Rebuild. “Next time you ask me to watch a show with you, I am going to jump on the couch and come watch the show. The chores can wait.”

Your relationship can survive procreation. It takes effort as does everything else that is worth anything.  I hope you found this article helpful.  Please comment below with how you keep your relationship healthy.  Don’t forget to like and share this post.